Funniest lines/events to happen in game

[aturin]

What is yours?

[barmybex91]

Getting my twilek jedi to try and seduce that guard

*lowers top a bit and walks towards the guard stressed*
Ellie: "Please help, my vehicle has broken down!" *Rolls an 8 on persuasion check*
Guard: *raises gun* DONT MOVE!
Ellie: *takes a step forward* Erm..... when i say _I_ need help, i also ment me and my twin sister. *rolls another rubbish persuasion check*
Guard: I SAID DONT MOVE!
Ellie: *pause* Actually, when i said my twin, i ACTUALLY ment my two other triplets....

[isemmens]

Alex: Did you say that the wookiee would break or rape him?
Me: .....Both

And Killing an enemy via the sheer amount of shock caused when a speeder fell on his toes.

[<imaginative username here>]

When a certain techie tried to subtley disarm a missile warhead, which then proceeded to light up and start bleeping.

There was also an antique dealer (in that he dealt in antiques, and was an antique himself) who for some reason had the entire party incapacitated with laughter for a good minute or so.

[isemmens]

I loved that antiques dealer!
We are dealing with him for that EEE stuff before we leave the planet

[barmybex91]

LOOOOL. That antiques dealer.. xD Oh god my ribs hurt so much after all that laughing xD
It was the thought first of all when Neil suggested every time he went into the back room to check if he had anything, we pocket something cumbersome, like a wardrobe.
And second if we sold him the light sabers, then reported him to the bounty hunters guild for being a jedi xD so that huuuuuge guy storms in and has a go at this frail old mad holding a lightsaber thinking "What the hell?!"
And just the dealer in general- Ha! Good times!

Maaaaan, we definitely, if in need of an antique, have to specifically go back to him EVERYTIME!

[beardybard]

During the zombie apocalypse:
Meeting a freaked out man in a shop, apparently the worst thing to say when a man turns into a wolf in front of the freaked out guy is:

"You sir are completely insane there is only 1 cure, we will have to electricute you through your genitals."

We then saved the guy and he later electricuted himself through his genitals.

[<imaginative username here>]

In a WoD game, Whyman (Antony's character) and Joe (mine) had...misplaced a little girl / weapon of mass destruction.

Antony: I go outside - can I see her?
Sarah: No.
Antony: I check in my car.
Sarah: You see nothing.
Antony: I check under the car--
Sarah: No, you misunderstand - you see *nothing.*

This led to Antony commandeering *my* car and going off to find out what our adorable little psychopath had done to his beloved vehicle.

[<imaginative username here>]

Not actually fully game-related, but:

Alex: *some Monty Python quote, I forget which*
Antony (GM): That's one strike.
Alex: Hmm?
Antony: No Monty Python quotes! For each quote I give you a strike. One is a warning, two is trouble, and three is a kick out of the game.
*silence for a few seconds*
*Sarah scribbles something on some paper and passes it to Alex*
*Alex fails to restrain laughter*
Antony: ?
Alex: Nothing.
Antony: What does that say?
Alex: Er...

"So five is right out?"

[grisham]

I think my favorite from a different club is as follows.

Party Member (who happens to be a song dragon): I heard something go click

Rogue: Huh, what?
Fiddles around with door whilst hanging over a pit for another second.

Then gets nailed to the ceiling

[<imaginative username here>]

So in DnD, I was playing a Lawful Bland Cleric of...Pelor, I think. My swashbuckler friend and myself had got ourselves stranded on a remote island, owned by a charismatic, chatty and utterly evil Bone Devil. He allowed us to live and wander his city because we amused him.

After a while, our wanderings brought us to what effectively served as a hotel, staffed by an incredibly attractive human woman. Something that, when both you and your GM are male can lead to some interesting roleplaying. Anyhow.

After Sarah had left the building for whatever reason, said member of staff came to my room. She told me how she was a celestial trapped here against her will by the Bone Devil, force to serve him and his, and how great it was to finally meet a good, moral person here. Yada yada, she asked to share my room for the night (cue more awkward roleplaying). Like a good LB cleric of Pelor, I politely refused several times - and was then told to make a will save.

I woke up the next day with two negative levels and an STD. One has to love Succubi.

~~~

Anyhow. On the next day, realising that even after two or three sessions no man should feel *this* exhausted, I made the bright decision of re-visiting the succubus. Using my rapier wit and keen survival instinct, I said words along the lines of:
"I know what you are. You are a succubus."
Unsuprisingly, she decided she could not let me leave that room. Shovelling earth into the pit I'd dug myself, I wittily retorted by hitting her with my mace.

~~~

Meanwhile, Sarah's character had been outside the hotel-building, when she saw a panic-stricken cleric come sprinting out of it, shouting "run" at her. Said cleric was closely followed by one of these:


You see, I had, as I bashed the succubus in the face with my cudgel, failed to take into account three important facts.

• People do not like being introduced to the business end of a blunt piece of metal.
  
• Succubi have damage reduction 10 against my 1D8+2 damage.
  
• Summon Tanar'ri (Sp): Once per day, a succubus may attempt to summon 1 vrock with a n% chance of success.
  

What followed was a fast chase through the city, us cornering ourselves in a church of Pelor and getting an elderly priest killed, my cleric being used by the Vrock as an improvised weapon against the flagstones, and the Bone Devil of the island arriving and casting Dictum, a spell that pretty much outright kills all nonlawful creatures in the area.
However, we survived. I was on minus hitpoints, but stable. We hadn't actually won any fights, but we had endured both a succubus' wiles and a vrock's temper.
Sarah's character dragged my semi-corpse back to her lodgings (not the one containing the succubus), and made a note to get me patched up in the morning.

Overnight, I died of my CON-draining STD.

Thus ended the brief but eventful career of my cleric.

[englishpetal]

@alex: You know full well that whole situation could have been avoided if you'd just told me what was going on in-character

In a demonstration game for World of Darkness, the players came across a piece of wallpaper across a space where there should be wall. Terry, with a strength of 4, valiantly attempts to punch through this thin piece of paper... and fails. Lottie, with a strength of 1, attempts to kick through it, and shreds it to pieces.

[englishpetal]

Also, Terry's radio fixing skills of awesome in d20 modern.
Fixed a radio in an EMP storm, and a few moments later, a car radio which Antony had determined would break for atmosphere.

[grisham]

I have to like what happened recently in my Zombie. A priest in the party after being informed that certain people do not like priests decided to rub the fact that he was a priest into their faces. He then went completely insane with no warning took all his clothes off and ran away arms in the air screaming his head off.

Now I have to admit I had never thought of that method of killing characters.

The other character who died that night got hit by a car and was patched up. Then he decided he wanted painkillers and took a vast amount (all of the large stook they had) of paracetamol, ibprofen and asprin.

2 Characters in one night and I didn't have to do anything to them.

[vaxsgbstpachibgdk3]

From the fine crew of The Crunch:

"Its a pit of dildos."

"What are you doing on my ship?"
"...what are YOU doing on MY ship?"

"I set his horse on fire!"
"Curse your sudden but inevitable breasts!"
"PEEEEEEEEEETE"
"Are there any green ones?"
"....You're not the expectation police..."
"Alright, alright, I can see you've played apology / dildo before!"
"Use the eyebrows!"
"I spend a plot point to be in hot pants."
"...I believe I had a plot point."
*chainsaw sounds*

"I throw the dog at them!"
"Ok. Roll Throwing Weapon - Dog."

"I want to make a double-ended dildo!"
"...really?....fine, roll for it"
*rolls double one*
*Ok. You make it, but you stick the wrong ends together"